Packing again
Topic: Catching up

And this time, I'm not packing for a holiday. 

From Wednesday to Monday, I was in southern Queensland.  My stay with Mrs Dr's sister (hereafter, Sizza, for one of my favorite styles of Australian nicknaming - taking the first syllable of someone's name and adding -zza) and her family was lovely.  They have a huge, gorgeous house in Queensland, not far from the Gold Coast.  Their house sits up the hills a bit, so from their veranda offers a lovely view of the city skyline.  I sat out there every evening, watching flocks of cockatoos gallivanting through the trees as the sunset painted the distant high rises on the coast a blurry rosy gold.  

Thursday and Friday, Sizza shepherded Mrs Dr (also on a holiday visit) and I around some of her favorite places.  We went for a walk through Burleigh Heads National Park on Thursday morning, which was just lovely.  The track Mrs Dr and I took winds through a forested area along the coast, with dense bush on one side, and the ocean on the other.  We detoured for a walk along a sheltered beach with the softest sand my feet have ever touched.

Friday, the three of us drove down to the northern edge of New South Wales to visit Byron Bay and Bangalow.  The countryside we drove through was just gorgeous - mile after mile of stunning views of rolling green hills.  The first thing I noticed flying in to the Gold Coast was how green everything was.  Victoria has gone shades of dull brown, except for stands of hardy gum trees.  I know there's a severe drought happening, but I hadn't quite recognised just how bad it is until I got a bird's-eye view of the land around Melbourne.  If it wasn't for the gum trees, and the way the land is obviously broken up into fields and grazing areas, it could almost pass for desert from the air, it's so dry.  Southern Queensland is struggling with drought as well - their dams are at even lower capacity than Victoria's, but unlike Victoria, they've had just enough rain through the summer to keep the landscape green.  

The highlight of the trip for me was our visit to the lighthouse at Cape Byron.  I wish I had remembered my camera (but there are some lovely pictures at the Byron Bay link above).  The view was literally breathtaking.  The ocean is crystalline, and all shades of blue, from nearly lavendar gray at the horizon, to a sapphire blue so rich I can't even describe it where the water is deeper, to glassy aqua in the shallows.  The arc of Byron Bay is framed by thickly forested hills, and the constant breeze tosses the treetops, revealing the paler green underside of the leaves in waves that echo the surf on the beaches below.  Tallow Beach is a wide expanse of sand so pale and clean it almost glitters, a long, slow, golden comma between sea blue and forest green.  I could've sat there for hours watching the surf breaking in long tails of foam.  It was achingly beautiful.  

So I had a brief but delightful holiday, and now I'm back in Melbourne.  Today I have begun the process of denuding my apartment.  I've taken everything off the walls, I sold my fridge within minutes of posting an ad at uni and had it picked up this evening, and I'm now plotting how to get rid of the rest of my furniture.  What can be sold, what can be donated, and what will go out on the sidewalk in the hopes that someone will be unable to resist the allure of even beat-to-hell free furniture.  I've started packing my suitcases and boxing up my books. 

From tomorrow I have one week left in my flat.  From today, I have two weeks left in Melbourne.  Much as I can't wait to see my friends and family in the States, and much as I'm anticipating exploring Baltimore again,  I am not looking forward to leaving.  I have loved living here, and it's going to be hard to go. 

Such a perfect day
Topic: Catching up

Today was full of lovely little moments, perfect closures to a gorgeous holiday.  When I opened the door from my room to the back yard early this morning to see what the weather was like, I startled three kangaroos from their quiet grazing of the rain-soaked grass into bounding flight.  From the safety of the bush, one stopped and looked back at me, perfectly still, almost invisible in the shadows. 

I slipped back inside, dressed, and walked out to the beach, intent on exploring the tidal pools I had discovered the previous day.  As I wandered down the road, I idly followed the flight of a crow, which ended on a nearby rooftop.  I almost missed the four cockatoos perched on the balcony below it.  They were so still and so perfectly spaced along the railing that they could have been taken for statues.  As I turned my head to get a better look at them, I realized that a perfect double rainbow was stretched across the sky behind me - such a beautiful surprise, and a perfect frame for the bird-bedecked house.  Then, not long after I started down the spectacular cliff-top walk along the coastline, it started to rain.

This was, in a way, an encapsulation of the entire holiday - a beautiful start, and a bit of a hitch in the middle.  After a day and a half of swimming and sunbathing, I started to come down with a sore throat, which quickly became a horrible case of strep.  I was so miserable, and so worried about making my friends sick, that I thought about ending my holiday early.  Fortunately, I was able to get to the doctor Thursday afternoon.  I felt better almost immediately after I got started on antibiotics, and was nearly back to normal by this morning.  No doubt that played some part in my sense of well-being.  The blessed absence of the ragged pain in my throat and brutal exhaustion of Wednesday and Thursday made me very happy.  

It was a hard, cold rain, and the sparse bush offered very little cover.  I was trudging back to the house, jeans soaked to the knee, when it finally stopped.  And as soon as it did, a pair of vivid red-and-blue birds (possibly these) swooped across the road just ahead of me.  Even after two years here, I'm still not used to seeing parrots in the wild.  A splash of ostentatiously colored feathers in the grass or a tree still makes me stop still.  I admired the effect of the jewel-toned birds in their dark green setting, and continued on my way.  Moments later, in a strange, lovely deja-vu moment, another pair darted from tree to tree across the road in front of me.  

I got back to the house to find that Flor, GSBoy, and Stellar were up and about, and not above finding amusement in my bedraggled condition.  The rest of the morning was a leisurely process of eating breakfast, watching old episodes of 'Sex and the City', packing, and cleaning.  We were on the road back to Melbourne just in time to stop for lunch in Anglesea, where we picked a restaurant mostly for its view of the water, expecting only adequate-to-pleasant food.  We ended up having a fantastic lunch - simple but thoughtfully prepared pannini and wraps, and a delightful lemon curd tart for dessert.  We half-seriously talked about having one last swim at Anglesea, but the weather swung wildly from sunshine to rain and wind in the couple of hours that it took us to have lunch.  We piled into the car, and in moments I was dozing, perfectly sated.  

Vacancy
Topic: Catching up

There is a huge one between my ears.  Like I handed in my brain when I handed in my thesis.  I haven't been able to do anything more strenuous than clean up my office (mostly) and book a short holiday to Queensland for the end of the month.  I've recycled a small mountain of paper - notes, articles, photocopied chapters.  And I've still got a small mountain of stuff I'm not willing to part with, even though I know the odds that I'll refer back to it are probably very slim.  Still so much to do, and so little energy with which to do it.  But at least I've got time.

And I've got pictures.  It seems silly to write about my parents' trip now that it's been nearly a month (although the Great Ocean Road trip might prove more inspiring), but I do like these pictures from the Fairies' Tree in Fitzroy Gardens, where spent a very pleasant afternoon:

 

Winding down
Topic: Catching up

People keep asking me how it feels to be done with my thesis.  It still hasn't sunk in, entirely.  I'm in a bit of a daze - so much happened in the last weeks of December, with my parents' visit, then the holidays, and finally hitting the point where I couldn't write any more because I just ran out of words, then finally being done, then New Year's, then two days recovering from New Year's . . . and then it's been so hot the past few days, my brains melted.  I just feel strange.  My thesis is in, my flight home is booked, and yet I still can't quite believe that I'm almost done with Melbourne.  

Way back before last year went to hell, I'd planned to spend this month traveling around Australia and possibly to New Zealand.  I even had this slightly insane idea that I'd tour Australia by train.  It would've been fun, I'm sure, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I'd probably be happier spending my last weeks in Australia in Melbourne with my friends than roaming the country by myself.  Not to mention that the thought of packing for a trip like that drives me to despair.  I hate packing.  

So I'm taking it easy this month.  I'm going to the beach, I'm hanging out with my friends, and I'm taking my time sorting out everything I need to do to move back to the States.  And I think it's exactly what I need.  

Whew
Topic: Catching up
It's been madness around here for the past week and a half.  It was so wonderful to have my parents here, and I can't wait to write more about their trip, because I've just finished uploading the pictures to Zooomr and I'd like to post something before I forget everything.  We packed in so much it's all become a bit of a blur.  But I have comments on my thesis draft to work on, and I should get on to that.  Fortunately, my supervisor says that the chapters look good and mostly need cosmetic changes, it's just the introduction and conclusion that need more extensive work.  That is such a relief!  Especially since I haven't felt much like writing since Thursday, which is when mom and dad left.  It's been hard getting back to the grind after having had so much fun.

So much to do, so little time
Topic: Catching up

It's been a busy week around here.  Still waiting on comments on my thesis draft, so I'm happily herding my parents around Melbourne.  While I'd love to write all about (among other things) our day on the Great Ocean Road, or how entertaining it is to see Australia through my parents' eyes, I've got a pile of ironing to do, presents to wrap, and a barbeque to get ready for, so I need to get going.  

 

PS- Suffering from too much Christmas cheer?  Here's an antidote. 

Milestones
Topic: Catching up

I woke up yesterday to strangely murky morning light, but didn't think much about it until Mr Doctor picked me up to go to the airport to meet my parents.  It wasn't until I stepped out the door that I realized that this was more than just a hazy day - I couldn't see the sky, let alone the horizon for the blanket of smoke hanging over the city.  The bushfire season is off to an early and severe start this year.  Today isn't as bad, but even though I've barely been outside  today, my eyes are stinging and my throat feels a bit raw.

My parents are here, despite all the flight delays the haze caused yesterday.  They have their first stamps in their first passports, and they survived their first long-haul flight in good style.  Especially considering that they were saddled with middle seats, which is just wretched.  It's so so incredibly good to see them.  Mom and I managed to get out of the airport without making too much of a scene with the shrieking and the crying, and we all headed back to the Good Doctors' to let Mom and Dad settle in a bit.  We didn't do much yesterday but try to give them a chance to relax without falling asleep.

We're going to take it easy today, too.  I'm heading over there soon to meet them so we can go to the Melbourne Museum, but I had to stop by uni to print off my thesis for Mrs Doctor, who's going to give me comments on my draft.  I finally have a full draft.  Finally.  Such a relief.   And now I get to have some fun!

Healing
Topic: Catching up

The last time I was out with my friends and 'Sweet Home Alabama' started playing, I froze, choked up, and hurried out of the club and down the block, until the bass thumping from a nearby bar covered the sound of the music.  Ro chased me, worried, and stood with me, shivering bare-armed in the cold, damp air until I figured the song was over.  It was one of his favorites, and I remember standing in the grass at the Maryland State Fairground one summer night years ago, his arms wrapped around me as Skynyrd played, and I could just feel that he was pleased that I had agreed to go to the concert with him.  It wasn't my scene at all, but content enjoyment radiated through his body into mine, and I was glad to be able to make him, so simply, happy.

It started playing tonight when I was at pub quiz night with my friends.  I felt my body curl in on itself and my throat started to close.  But I stayed in my chair, and I took a few deep breaths, and after a few long moments, it was over.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear it again with out sadness, and since it's one of those songs that seems to be inescapable, I was glad to find that I was able to get through it this time without walking out or shutting down.  

I've caught up with several friends recently who I haven't been in touch with for awhile and they were all asking how I'm doing.  It's good to be able to say 'I'm okay, I'm better' and really feel for myself that it's true.  For a long time, 'better' meant something like 'less bad than I was'.  Over the past month or two, 'better' has come to mean something much closer to 'good'.  I know I'm not done with grieving for him.  At some point, maybe when I finally submit my thesis and have nothing academic taking up space in my head, but maybe not until I go back to Baltimore with all its memories, I'll have to deal with it more directly again.  I'm not happy to know that, but I don't fear it or doubt my ability to get through it when I know my friends and family will be there. 

And for now, I'm definitely better.  

 

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The urge
Topic: Catching up

I'm feeling it - I want to write.  I really want to write, but I'm having trouble cobbling coherent thoughts together.  I'm reading a really well-structured thesis at the moment, looking for ideas about how I should put mine together, and it makes me want to write.  I like this itch to create, but it's frustrating when the words don't want to play nicely together.  And I can't figure out what I want to write about.  I'll probably go home and work on policy language, but it's not what I want to write about now.  But I don't know what I want to write about now.  But I do want to write.

Should I write about my surroundings?  The postgrad computer lab doesn't provide a lot of material - it's angular and beige.  The environment is somewhat enlightened by the periodic 'is it stuck or isn't it?' drama around the birds that are nesting in or on the exterior of the ancient beige air conditioner that protrudes from one narrow window.  Frantic cheeping and the banging of something - wings? feet? beaks? - against metal indicate that these particular birds have not picked the most readily accessible home possible.  But that's it for excitement around here most days.  Not much material when I'm not in the mood to explore the mundane.  

Should I write about my weekend?  It was eventful - Pep graduated on Saturday and invited me to attend since his family is far, far away.  I was up bright and early on Saturday morning to meet him at uni to help him take pictures in his graduation gear.  Here the robes are open at the front, so graduates get to express a bit of personality in their clothing choices, and Pep wore a very flattering suit.  We took serious pictures, and silly pictures and group pictures, and I flicked through them on his digital camera envying his ability to be photogenic at nine a.m.  The ceremony was typical - a bit too long, mostly dull, but nice enough as such things go.  It did make me care, just a bit, about whether I go through the ceremony or not.  I don't think I'll be fussed if I can't, but the ritual of it does appeal to me.  

I left Pep after a quick lunch and went shopping for something to wear to a party I was invited to that evening.  I had an outfit, but it needed a bit of something - better shoes, or a good accessory.  There was much fruitless wandering in and out of stores but I eventually found earrings and a bracelet, all on sale.  Not quite what I'd had in mind, but they suited well enough.  I had to get home in time to cook dinner for some friends I'd invited over.

This was where things began to get interesting.  I was restricted to a vegan menu, which was fine, as I have no confidence in my ability to cook meat without rendering it leathery or an invitation to an evening of food poisoning,  but I was pulling out two entirely untried recipes.  I stood a good chance of leaving my guests with nothing edible but hummus and fruit salad.  Sure enough, I managed to turn the first round of roasted vegetables into charcoal, requiring a quick re-thinking of the salad course.  Luckily, I thought to buy red peppers.  Even I can't screw up roasted red peppers.  Sadly, it seems the same cannot be said for eggplant and squash.  The soup turned out well, and the hummus was perfect.  I have the best hummus recipe, acquired from the mother of a friend of a friend.  Unfortunately, due to the dietary restrictions, I wasn't able to trot out my best cake recipe, which is another friend-of-a-friend gem, the world's best carrot cake.  Maybe I should make it this week, just for the hell of it.  

The party was much fun.  I think I got home at 6:30.  That's a.m., yes.  The sky was lightening as I was climbing into the bed I climbed out of about three hours later to clean up the remnants of dinner before heading out to Blue Eyes's birthday party.  (She's four now.  And something about that fact got me thinking about my mother and how at my age she'd have had Blue Eyes, Chuckles and a third on the way.  I don't know how she did it, because I minded Blue Eyes on Friday, and she just about wore me out, even on her best behaviour.)  Thank goodness for my years of practice at faking functionality after an all-nighter.  The party was nice - I got to see all the kids, which I hadn't in awhile.  They all behaved beautifully, even when hopped up on sugar and the excitement of a party.  With all babies in arms and on hips, I felt a bit as if I was missing the accessory of the moment until I was able to snag Miss C from her parents for a few minutes.  She won't be a hip baby much longer - she's itching to take off running.   I got to catch up with their parents, as well, some of whom I hadn't seen in weeks.  It's funny, but as I was having conversations with them about work and school and houses and such, I realized how odd it seemed to not be talking about the kids for once.  I hadn't known that we talked about the kids so much when saw each other more regularly.  

It was a fun weekend, but clearly it wasn't much of one for productivity.  I got a bit of reading done, but that's about it.  And now that I have finally written something, I should probably get on to writing something else that is more thesis-like in nature.

 

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Changes
Topic: Catching up

In location:  I'm flat-sitting for the Good Doctors while they're off travelling for two weeks.  It's quite an upgrade - digital cable, full kitchen, and two of three missing features that would make my little studio a perfect flat - a bathtub and a balcony.  I sat out on the balcony yesterday evening with a glass of wine watching the sunset change the clouds from swathes of white scalloped in gold to soft gray masses edged in pink.  I listened to the birds and watched the trees sway in the breeze.  Bliss.

In season:  The magnolias are in bloom - they seem to have exploded out of nowhere into profusions of startlingly pink blossoms.  Today is a gorgeous day - warm enough in the sun for short sleeves, though cool enough in the shade to want a jacket.  The sky is a shade of blue so rich and soft as to be creamy.   Spring is, if not here, entirely, at least well on the way.  

In state of mind:  I'm feeling much more energized about my thesis at the moment.  Not necessarily more productive, mind you, but more excited about it, even if it does mean I'll end up scrapping half (or more) of what I wrote last week.  I'm also enjoying both my classes so far this semester: they're both on human rights, one approaching them from a philosophical perspective and the other from a gender and development perspective.   It's good to feel like my brain is back in gear.  

 

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