Topic: Events
Mrs Dr said, 'You know what this is for, don't you?' as she scattered fresh rosemary from her garden across the coffee table. I do. Rosemary is for remembrance. A delicate haze of rosemary, roses, gardenias, and candlesmoke hung in the air, and Kind of Blue was playing as my friends entered the Good Doctors' flat for his memorial.
Blue is the color I think of when I think of him, so the coffee table was draped in blue fabric. Twenty-eight candles, one for each year of his life, were arranged on the table, interspersed with little things that evoked some aspect of him: dragons, cats and dogs, a charcoal pencil, a teddy bear, a bottle of Jack Daniels. Each of my friends lit a candle to start the memorial.
I had a hard time getting a copy of his favorite songs to go with the slideshow I made of pictures and things that my friends and family told me they remembered and valued about him. Our tastes in music overlapped enough to get us through a day trip, but our favorite artists were very different. So I used the Flaming Lips: 'All We Have Is Now' and 'Do You Realize??' which, as I thought about it, were very fitting. One of the most important things I learned from our relationship is to take happiness when and where it is offered, and to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.
The eulogy was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I spent weeks fretting about it, and all day Saturday writing it, and ended up just talking off the top of my head because what I had written just didn't seem right. It was difficult to balance introducing him to my friends, who didn't know him, with saying goodbye to him myself. It was difficult to talk through my tears. But, thanks in no small part to Mrs Dr helping me think through what I wanted to share throughout the course of the ceremony, I got through it.
I was very glad that Little Bear, Chuckles, and Miss C were there with their parents. They were so good, yet as kids will, they provided several moments of unintended comedy before, during and after the ceremony. I can't remember exactly what they said or did, but it was good that there was laughter.
I don't know whether I can say that I feel better after the memorial, but it feels right to have done it. It was important, more important than I realized, to have my friends here together as a community. I found myself singing 'Your Misfortune' as I was getting ready for the memorial, and finally began to understand a little bit just why that was so important. At times like this, the people who love you are a sanctuary.
I am so deeply grateful that I am loved and cared for by so many wonderful people.
If there's something inside that you wanna say
Say it out loud it'll be okay
I will be your light
I will be your light
I will be your light
I will be your light
~'Dry the Rain', The Beta Band